The truth about Twins

Since the Twins were born, people have said to me, "I don't know how you do it." Or "I couldn't do that" and when they notice i had a 3yr old (at the time, now 4yr old) they looked like their eyes might pop out of their heads. "Gaw, he must be a handful too, how does he cope with the Twins?" I felt a little angry and insulted they would judge my little man so harshly, defence mechanism i guess. At first i was always replying, with a smile "Its fine, its not hard at all, the twins are so easy all they want is each other and they are completely content and my Son just adores them and helps me out heaps" Well,  whilst it was true, we all know it takes a little more than that, a clean nappy, a full tummy and some little distractions always help out. BUT I always knew it wouldn't always be so easy. So my reply slowly changed to, "No, its fine, they are all great, its not hard at all......Yet, I know the hard times are coming"

Here They Come!!

Sean has turned 4 and is now at Kindy. The attitude, the tantrums, the ownership of.....everything. Well, enough said.

Summer and Lily are 13months and both walking now. Very exciting times but i am hesitant in my excitement...I know whats coming....This afternoon I walk into the quiet loungeroom and this is what i found.

THIS IS MY ANGEL, LILY

Summer was asleep, thankfully otherwise she would have been standing in the draw giving Lily a shove to make room for her, i think.

WE HAVE CLIMBERS PEOPLE....TWO OF THEM! CLEVER ONES! I am in for it now.

Our yard is pretty big, so all of our stuff is nicely spread out. We have our patio and then in the corner of the yard we have a timber fort with a swing, in the middle a plastic baby playground with steps and a slide, then and a huge trampoline. My parents very kindly donated their old pool lounges to us which we've set up under the patio on the pavers (My husband believes I can SIT on them to WATCH the children play) P-F-T Yes i hear all you Mothers out there laugh hysterically and scoffing at my husband in disbelief...He comes up with some great ones. Now. My actual plan with this time is to wear the KIDS out so i get a nice quiet evening to myself once dinner and bathtime is done.

 A few weeks ago, we were enjoying our outside time in the afternoon.  I was chasing Summer and she was crawling away from me like lightening, laughing her little head off, she found her little pusher and started walking around the yard. Lily was playing with the water table, which is under th patio and Sean was climbing his fort. I had a moment of calm and my attention wandered off with my thoughts, then i came back. I was walking across the yard and I looked around to find that Lily had climbed up onto one of the pool lounges and was happily and wobbly walking the length of it and Summer was making her way up the steps of the baby playground halfway across the yard. My brain just switched into panic mode OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, how did this happen?! S**T I need to be split in 2. Who do i go for first??!

Imagining, Lily falling off head first onto the pavers (which she actually looked like she was about to do) and at the same time, Summer falling from a higher height head first onto the grass. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD ARGH! Then I hear Sean, "Mummy, come push me, Mummy! Mummmmmmyyyyyyy!".

"Errr, Um, I can't right now Seany" I said looking from Summer to Lily. Trying to Sum up which one to go for first.

"But....Mummyyyyy, Why???? I want you to push meeeeeeee." you know that really annoying whining but somehow demanding voice they put on.

Then i shift from panick to NINJA STEALTH MODE. WHAAAA, I ran over and scooped Lily up by her belly in my right arm and I kept running to get to Summer just in time to scoop her up as she takes her first tumbling step down the slide. I took a few steps away from the playground and placed them both on their bums and keep walking to Sean to push him on the swing...PHEW. How did that happen so fast. That situation changed in like seconds. I looked back at the girls sitting on the grass happily babbling to each other...A wave of relief washed over me. That wasn't so bad...right.
So. If this is the beginning.........help?

The only certainty in life......

This morning a very close friend of the family, lost his battle with cancer. Its been a long haul for him and his loved ones. Only a few months ago he was cleared of all the cancer and given a clean bill of health. Then it quietly and ferociously return, spreading all throughout his lungs and stomach, no fighting it this time. In the end, he drifted off peacefully and painfully. Surrounded by his Brother and Wife, listening to his favourite songs. He actually passed away earlier this week but his wife got into his bed to say her goodbyes and he came back! She got 4 more days, the power of love hey?
I remember him out boating mostly, laughing heaps and having heaps of fun, i looked after his younger boys alot, i adored them. I remember him quite literally throwing me around the dancefloor at tipplers and boat haven. I remember him taking me for a burl on his motorbike, late one afternoon, he went so fast and we had no protective gear on, i squeezed him so tight while i screamed my head off right into his ear. It was SO MUCH FUN.

I am so thankful we reconnected with him for my father's 60th a few years ago, we had a few years apart and we had always missed him. He was an awesome guy to be around. I will remember him as the loving, funny, generous and very fun man we all grew to know and love. I will cherish the memories always. I only hope our relationship with his family continues. All his Son's just mirror him, in every way, they are great people to know also.

My Passion

My Passion, other than my family, is finding an old piece of furniture and making it my own. The more "well loved" the better. There are little pieces of my heart and soul in every room of our house.
I know i get this trait from my mum. When i was little my room was full of unique things she had hand made and i loved every bit of it. I kept it all in excellent but well loved condition until it was time to get my older stuff.
I find while i'm working on these projects, I also give myself a little time while i'm on autopilot to think. Really think about the big stuff. Where I'm going, What I want, although today my head was a broken record thinking about one thing over and over. Anyway, this latest project of mine, i'm pretty sure is the biggest and most testing one ever...I have always loved the Kura Bed from Ikea for my Son. Everytime we go through there he climbs up into it with no regard to the perpex guard covering the ladder. We are always on a pretty tight budget and i could never justify the amount for what it was, really? Its pretty...well...ugly. So I started looking on eBay. Found one, bought it and much to my disappointment, when i got it home realised the panels were water damaged and there were gouges, deep scratches and dents all over the timber. After a little planning, some new MDF, heaps of sprays cans (I wouldn't recommend for this project) Months later. I finally finished it, tonight. It was totally worth it.
My little boy crawled into bed and told me,"I love my new bed Mummy" and gave me a huge smile...He calls it his Transformers Bed because it is Optimus Prime colours, God love him...again, totally worth it.

Now they are 1!

So, one very busy and hectic year has flown by and my babies are 1, I can't believe it.

Time really does fly when you grow up hey. We've just finished the girls birthday party and it was great. It was a little overwhelming, the playground and blow up pool got a hiding. But the kids all seemed to enjoy themselves and that's what its all about after all.
After enduring horrific toothaches over the past 3 days, (due to the pain killers i had taken over the last couple of days) i was scattered and shaking this morning as i tried to get everything underway. A lesson there, i've learnt the hard way. My dear friend helped me ice and decorate the centrepiece of the cake for my little "Cupcakes" as i call them, because i couldn't pull myself together to do it. I am very happy with the end result.

Its been ages since we've had a get together. I think it was a yr ago. It was great to see everyone. Its a shame we need an event to all get together now....Can't wait for the next one....at someone else's place.

Kristy xx



Finding my Bliss

My son has just started Kindy, he's so proud and he loves it.  2days one week, 3 days the next week. I actually prefer the 2 days. I miss him.....i know, next year will be worse, starting Prep. I love being with my kids.

Watching my Children interact with each other...watching the Twins develop. As Twins and as Individuals and watching my Son's face glow when he's with them. Summer has just started waving and saying hello, she waved at him today and i'm pretty sure his heart skipped a beat.

As i mentioned previously, all my concerns about having Twins did fade away and if i had my choice in the matter, i wouldn't change a thing. They have changed my world. I AM the happiest i have ever been. I am completely smitten with my children, i've noticed i just can't pull myself away from them, I can't stop watching them, studying them. Is this normal or am I alone here?

Okay, so maybe i'm sounding sickly sweet so don't get me wrong, my life is NOT perfect.
I am alone alot, i mean without adult company. I am currently working very hard to develop new friendships and new routines. My friends and I (as they say) are living on parallel lines. While we have the love and adoration for eachother and a strong history which i believe at this point helps keep us together, we are all Mothers and have a hard time getting together. I find it very difficult to make new friends, I find it very hurtful when i reach out and am ignored or brushed aside like i don't matter. I know people are busy but seriously it takes ZERO effort to respond these days. You don't even have to pick up the phone. Maybe all this autonomous technology makes people forget to consider actual real life human feelings. I am outside my comfort zone here, I don't have a thick skin, by any means. I rely on my parents alot, especially my mum, not for help alone but for sanity and companionship, it took us a long time to get here, but we're in a really great place, she is the Nanna to my children, that i remember having. We talk almost everyday. I couldn't live without her. My husband is on afternoon shift and as such we are like ships passing in the night. With little money, few friends available for a visit and twin bubbas to look after, I find myself trapped on the couch...I HATE MY COUCH! I've become a little exhausted from wanting to do things, wanting to go places.

So today, i got off my arse.

The girls went down just before i took Sean to Kindy. Hubby was home. So i dusted off the joggers, got my iphone and headphones and went for a walk. A fast walk...without a pram. It was so freeing, I was soaring, I was in my own headspace, with my own music. I found that spring in my step. I needed a bigger hill to climb, what always seemed so big i conquered so quickly, it was great. I had so much energy when i got home. I hope i can do it again tomorrow. Actually if i can work it right I can ride my bike to Sean's kindy, we have a child seat on the back of it for him, i don't think we've ever used and on Thursday, i am starting Zumba. I'm so looking forward to it, i LOVE Zumba, i was doing classes when i found out i was pregnant, I was going to continue at a steady pace but then i found out it was twins and i couldn't do it anymore. A daytime class, while my husband is home to look after the Twins. Yes!

I can feel the change already. Watch this space.

Kristy xx

Life and Death

As soon as I was aware and in my own room (with my husband) I was able to properly meet my girls, I promptly pulled their (double) hospital cot to my bedside, I looked in at them and stroked each of their faces, one at a time. It was then that it occurred to me that I had asked for this. I remembered that when I was a little girl I used to look up to the sky and ask God for twins….Huh… Funny.  I couldn’t bear to just look anymore, so… (against Doctor’s orders)I scooped them both up. One in each arm, I leant back into my pillow and just studied them… they were so small and peaceful. I immediately fell in love. All of those worries and concerns just melted away, how silly was I. They were so beautiful, just perfect and now I had to find distinguishing characteristics so I could tell them apart. There was the tiniest difference in the shape of their ears and their heads were a different shape but only just. I realised early that I couldn’t rely on that alone, what about photos? (And I have a handful now, looking back on, I don’t know who is who). Colour coding and specific clothing is the only chance I have at this point. So we know in all the hospital pics, Summer has the pink hat, Lily has the White. I never wanted to dress them the same anyway, I always thought, they are different people and I’m sure they will like to know who is who in photos in the future. I thought why would I buy two sets of the same clothes, what a waste of money. But as it turns out, with my “specific clothing” system, I’m buying just as many anyway.

As the Mother of Twins, let me tell you, there is NOTHING funny about the thought of mixing them up. NOTHING. AT. ALL. For those people (and you know who you are J) who say, “Wouldn’t it be funny if…?” Umm, NO! The very thought of it makes me anxious, to me, it would mean I’ve failed them. Maybe a little melodramatic, but a part of who I am is; I think a lot. About everything, every little detail. Imagine you went to pick up your child from daycare and you didn’t know who she/he was. Don’t you think that would be hurtful to your child? You’re their Mother. Mothers are just supposed to know. Moving on…

When my Son came up to meet them he was all smiles, his little Sisters had finally arrived. He knew they were Summer and Lily and when he found out they had bought a little Action Chugger with them, just for him, he was taken, hook, line and sinker. My Mother looked after him while I was in hospital and my husband continued to work. There was no need for him to take time off work, he wouldn’t be paid because of the awesome place he was working at, at the time (now where’s that sarcasm button) and he couldn’t be with me at the hospital all the time anyway. I would need help once I came home. Mum said Sean never let the Action Chugger go, it was with him at all times. How sweet is that?

As it turns out I came home a little early, I think it was the 4th day after the C-Section. I was fooled into thinking I was more mobile than I actually was, due to the hospital bed helping me get in and out of bed with all its lifting and tilting. So, when I came home, (and Sean did too) I needed my Husband to bring me everything,  from water to the twins, to pull me up off the couch and help me back down, same with bedtime. Seriously, it was ridiculous. He cooked, he cleaned, he washed, he tended to all the children and he took every request and just did it for me.  He even completely organised our Son’s birthday party which was 1wk after the twins were born. (We felt Sean deserved a little extra special attention at that time). I was in awe of my husband just taking the reins like that. He was smitten to say the least. We were (and still are) deeply in love; we have a wonderful little boy that just lights up any room he’s in and two little angels for Daddy to protect. I’m so happy right now, I think my heart might explode.

But ALAS…

As MY life becomes full and happy and I slide into a blissful state of contentment; two months fly by with visitors from interstate coming up to meet our new editions and secure plans for a secret birthday celebration we would be attending interstate.  A very special and close someone falls into a deep and dark spiral of depression.  It went so fast and full on. We knew there were ongoing issues, we’d tried to help with, but we didn’t know the full story, we were all told different pieces and when we were all brought together that is when we realised it must have been far worse than any of us had thought. When someone falls into depression and adds medication and then alcohol. There is nothing you can do or say to reach them. That is my experience. You can only be there to listen when they want to talk and be there to help when they want support and hope and pray they come through the other side. We couldn't reach her.

It was strange when it happened. We are all usually scattered to the four corners, but on that eve. We were all in town, we all had dinner together, she called to check in and I stayed over with the kids. I NEVER stay over. The call came early in the morning and I woke to the news a little later….devastation and disbelief consumed me. It never occurred to me that this could happen. To us. To her. She was so full of love and joy and excitement, she was so kind, I loved her so much, WE loved her so much... I had to cancel my lunch date and I think I texted it, I couldn’t speak yet. It was a whirlwind after that. Family and planning and memories and pictures everywhere. Disbelief and pain was in everyone’s face.

My two very dearest friends accompanied me to the funeral, to look after the babies, to hold my hand, to watch me (make sure I was okay) and just to be there for love and support. They knew her, they knew what she meant. I tell you what; you know you have some extraordinary and irreplaceable friends when they just sit with you…for that. I did sit with my Mum though, we needed to be together for this…A few eulogies were given, then I got up and gave my eulogy…I just felt if she was looking down she needed to know how much she was loved. I wanted people to remember who she was, not who she became…That is an important thing to remember. I never spoke at my Nanna’s funeral and I have always regretted it, she was a great Nanna and I never said it. I knew I loved this woman just as much but I really knew her and I was going to say it. Out Loud.

At the end of the funeral, we each placed a flower on the coffin. The service ended and we left the church. I looked around, I was surrounded, I had my relatives, my parents, my closest friends, my husband and children with me. I was thinking, It’s okay, I will be okay, we will be okay. We will always miss her, always miss her presence. Always feel her absence at any gathering. How could we not, she WAS the life of the party. She was always the first person I looked for when I arrived at any family gathering and now she is gone. How could you not miss that person?

I think it is much harder to let someone go when you know they didn’t go because of natural causes. It’s been almost 10 months and I still miss her every day, I see the girls do something and I think, she should’ve been here for that, I should’ve been able to call her and tell her about it…I should be able to tell her how much Sean loves his Sisters and tell her about Sean’s first day at Kindy.

I should’ve grabbed the phone that night and told her to come home, to come be with us…I thought about it at the time, when she was on the phone but I just didn’t. She never met them. I can’t change that.

I HATE REGRET.

I will continue to remember, love and miss her but In the end, we all move forward; and we are. I am very fortunate to have three beautiful little distractions to focus on, a wonderful hubby, an excellent relationship with my parents and the closest friends who are like Sisters to me. I know I am loved and I know how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life.

xxKristy

Continued....

I called my parents and told them, its a funny thing, my Mother had told my Father she thought we were going to have twins, such a random thought, maybe something to do with Mothers' Intuition? She was giggling like a school girl when we told her. She was so happy, its indescribable.

My Mother In Law was much the same, She told me she was sorry to have laid the "Crain Curse" upon me...As it turns out, i always knew my father in law was an identical twin, but that was all I knew. NOW THE TRUTH COMES OUT. As it turns out, HIS father's father was an identical twin and his sister also had identical twins. (As i tell the Doctors this, they all say its not genetic.....yeah ok, there's alot of coincidence here).

I called my nearest and dearest friends, I said,"i am 6wks and 3 days"
"oh yeah not far along" they say.
I continue, "AND 6wks and 4days"...utter silience follows on the other end of the phone. Then the penny drops, I get a shrill and excited, "WHHAAAAAAAAAATTTT.....OH MY GODDDDD, YOU'RE HAVING TWINS!!!"theres a bit of squealing and laughing as the conversations continue. Now my excitement was kicking into gear and my fears started fading to the background.

When i got back to work i had to tell my Boss. "Its Twins!!" She was ecstatic for me, congratulating me and then i hear, "The Guy" laughing at his desk, he'd overheard me. And when i turn to go to my desk he says, "haha told you....do you know what they are?"
"No, not yet." I replied
"Haha they're gonna be girls" he says.
I smiled and said "Shut up! Don't wish that on me, you've done enough, wishing Twins on me".

A few weeks later My parents came with me to the Mater Hospital as my husband was working for a company who didn't appreciate family commitment.
So they ask if a student can have a "practise" on me, to see how well she can identify certain things.
"No problems".
First the Student takes a look "They aren't identical, they are in separate sacks...you have a boy and a girl, I think".
Yes, exactly what i ordered...thank you.
Then comes in the Fully qualified specialist. "They are identical they are in one sack with a thin membrane separating them, which is best for this type of twin cos they can't tangle each other, they have their own food supply too, but one can still take all the nutrients so you will have to be monitored every week. (Awesome. Not. I'm only 8wks pregnant)...they have to be the same sex....they are girls." Something resembling the silence of the first notification of Twins takes place with me here. Mum and Dad look at me with contained laughter bursting out of their eyes, making their lips quiver....They knew what I "wanted"...they knew what was going through my head. The Doctor continues to tell me it doesn't mean they will look identical, they could look completely different. and because of the type of twins i am having I now have a 75% chance of having Twins again. Eek!

I called my husband and told him they were identical. He asked about the sex but i told him i didn't know that yet, it was too early. I wanted to see his face when i told him...I knew the names we would use for the Girls as we had previously discussed options and there were two names we were in love with and they both seem equally lovely to me.

I got home and walked straight to my husband, sitting a the computer and introduce our girls, pointing to my right side, "This is Summer" (twin1) "and this is Lily" pointing to my left side (twin 2). He looks at my belly and then up at me with a mixture of awe and disbelief, he says Bulls**t you don't know that, it was too early...I grinned and told him i wanted to see his face. I was right to wait, it was totally worth it. Then we told our little boy, he was 2 at the time. He was really excited at the idea of having 2 sisters. He had a huge smile on his face when we told him.

When i went back to work, i told my co-workers they were Girls, i was surrounded by women, all but one there were cuddles and smiles everywhere. "The Guy" laughed hard, he was so proud of his "Intuition" we all sat down and continued our work....He pops his head over the dividing wall and says, wouldn't it be funny if they've missed one hiding behind them. I just said No and gave him a look that could kill...He didn't mention anything like that again.

Because of the type of Twins we were having we had to visit the Hospital (Not the GP) every week. One week for the scan, the next for the appointment. That was a fun exercise. Why on earth are all the major hospitals located on the hilliest areas in town? With the parking at the bottom of the hill? In December i finished up work and confined myself to the couch and local shops. Painfully biding my time until March.

As February 2011 came to a close the Dr decided, I couldn't have a "V" birth it had to be a caesarean. I fought it all the way to the end but the girls just didn't want to play the game no matter what i tried. One was transverse and the other was in breach. On the 7th March 2011 I went into the local hospital for my booked C-Section. I was terrified, they took me away from my husband and wheeled me into the room to give me the spinal tap. My Doctor was a very nice indian man, who new exactly where i stood on this C-Section, he rubbed my arm asked me how i was and told me everything was going to be just fine. I actually found him to be very reassuring at this point.

It all began so fast putting me in many different positions the woman doing the needle, kept putting it in the same wrong place. Giving me a shot of local, almost everytime she tried it was so painful. I was starting to panic and started to sob and i saw a familiar face, my student midwife who had followed me the whole way through. It helped a little to see a friendly face. I had a nurse infront of me telling me to hunch forward, over my huge bloated stomach and i slipped and accidentally gave him an uppercut to the face....hehehe that did cheer me up a little, very briefly though. They started talking about putting me under. I was going to miss the whole thing!! So was my husband!! OMG am i going to wake up? (Might i add, the worst thing they did was give me a fact sheet on caesarean birth...it totally flipped me out. I think ALOT) Finally success on the last attempt, it had taken forever and the room was full of people about 12 faces i'd never seen before. A nurse asked me if i was ok, i just sobbed, where is my Husband, she left the room and was back with him in an instant. He came straight to me and held my hand. We couldn't see anything the screen was up.

Suddenly a tiny little baby girl was being held against my left shoulder a"This is Summer" and then another on my right, "This is Lily". Finally....They are safe, they are here. I couldn't hold them myself at all. I closed my eyes and tried to pull myself together and a nurse leant in to me and i suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of nausea and was going to throw up i managed to tell her. They whisked the babies away and put something in my drip which instantly took the nausea away. It was unbelievable. They told me they were closing me up, everything went well and my husband was nursing the babies, keeping them warm.
When i finally came out of the room to my husband and babies, this was the first thing I saw.

What a view, A lovely nurse captured this memory for us.

(Left to Right)

Lily, Daddy & Summer

After a few hours of recooperating we had Sean come in and meet his little sisters. They had bought him a little present, A small Action Chugger figure. He was in love, i was up there for four days and he had it the whole time we were there. Mum said he never let it go, even at home.

(Ignore the Ogre sitting beside him, pregnancy isn't very becoming on me)

 Summer, Sean, Lily & Me

Summer & Lily