Just keep swimming....

Yesterday

This week i hit the 8wk mark at the gym. That means its time for an assessment. I'm feeling great. My skin is clearer, my hair isn't dry and my body shape has changed. I can wear clothes from my cupboard that didn't fit or suit my shape before. I can feel my body firming up from inside and I'm really firm on my feet. I'm in my happy place and i feel on top of the world.

The results of this assessment however did NOT reflect the way i felt ..I have gained weight!! Just under 2kgs. My waist is down 2cms and my body fat percentage is down slightly but everything else is bigger ....I'm only talking a few millimetres but still, bigger!? So my Gym Guy and I talked about what to do next, he was very concerned and confused for me. He knows I've been trying hard, I've been there almost everyday since i started. I was utterly heartbroken and it was pretty obvious. We discussed me filling out a food journal and he will write me a new program and check that I'm pushing myself hard enough or at least, the right way.

On the way out of the assessment room, i ran into a Mother from Sean's kindy. Last year she was my weight and she, through the gym and watching what she eats, has lost 30kgs. She looks fantastic! You would never guess to look at her. She knew what i was there for and after I told her she gave me a quick pep talk. She's told me her story before and reminded me that it took her over 8weeks before anything happened and then it just started dropping away, she told me not to give up and gave my arm a friendly pat. At this point i nearly lost it. I turned to walk down the stairs and saw my Gym Guy was waiting, watching us, listening to us. I felt embarrassed by my results, sort of humiliated which left me feeling really sensitive. Watching me as i trudged sulkily down the stairs he smiled but tilted his head with a concerned look. (he had THAT look guys get, at the wrong time, you know the one that says, oh no, is she going to cry?) Now there is nothing nasty about this guy, he's great but to be honest I got  a bit defensive, "What?!" I snapped at him...oops. He just said unfazed, "I can see your upset, we'll sort it out". I couldn't comment i was this close to losing it. I just politely smiled and silently followed him to the front desk to make an appointment for next week, to start anew...

I couldn't face the gym after that, i was just too low. He went into the staff room and I grabbed my shit and bolted for the door. I just couldn't do it. I passed him on my way out, he saw me too. Shit. He yelled goodbye after me and i yelled back but didn't stop. When i got into my car, i let go...

Today

Today i started anew, I've had my sulk. Get your shit together and keep going, don't give up, that's how you got here. I was a little embarrassed to see Gym Guy after my little spat and sook but...what are you going to do? I'm not running scared, I love this! I feel great, I'm happier, I have guidance, motivation and support all around me. My body is waking up from a 10yr Coma, I have a lot of work to do.  I don't want my girls to think this is ok to be this weight, it has affected my immensley.

For lots of reasons, for lots of people but mostly for me and for my kids....I WILL do this.


THIS IS A MARATHON NOT A RACE!
thanks Kate and Steve xx